captain's log

Day II of Jenny sickness.

Symptoms: 

Confusion, frustration, losing cell phone in conspicuous places, lack of appetite (this is obviously a joke), mild headache, lack of imagination, painting nails in the car like it's a good idea, zombie-monosyllabic responses to those around me, glazed over eyes staring at the clock counting down the hours until 6pm. 

I could be worse. I just don't feel 100%.

I'm going to try to pull it together and make all of this as coherent as possible. Don't hold your breath. 

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Here are some favorite moments from my weekend!

My lovely friend Steph's bridal shower...

Silly Steph looking very bridal... absolutely surrounded by gifts! And servicemen! 

I met Stephanie six years ago at Bravo and she has been one of my dearest friends ever since. It was a very intimate get-together so I was incredibly honored to be invited to her bridal shower. And really-- I love romance and I love to party. All I had to do was round up a gift and I was on my way to Upland, California!

I knew I wanted to get her something special and unique. I really enjoy being creative with gifts and didn't want to just get her a sexy negligee-- partly because you never know what the situation will be like and partly because I am awkward as all hell and it wouldn't make for a very good story if I did, right?

So. My present. 

"Breakfast in Bed". (I really enjoy themes). 

Contents:
Citrus themed apron, blueberry muffin mix, orange silicone whisk, fluffy warm blanket, matching orange mugs, pretty decorative green candle, lacy bright green panties. 

All wrapped up in yellow and green tissue paper inside a simple brown gift bag. Very crisp and fresh and springy. 

Cute right? Yeah! 

The presents started to be unwrapped. I was so excited. My gift was so different! I like being different.

Hmm... but literally everyone was getting her really sexy things. Outfits, edible I-don't-know-whats, tassels, you name it. But... this was a family gathering! My gift was getting more and more awkward as the event went on.

Then we got to her grandmother's present. "Perfect!" I thought, "this will be my saving grace!" I was hoping for a brooch or some other family heirloom like an old sewing machine that would make things sentimental.

Steph opened the box to reveal... A pair of blue snake skin "ho heels"-- those are her grandma's words, not mine-- and a matching aqua blue metallic nightie complete with peekaboo holes galore. 

She got to my present.

A whisk? Oh... and baking mix-- that's sweet! ...Oh I get it!

I looked like such a fuddy-duddy.

But! But!! You can have sexy breakfast in bed-- breakfast is sexy. Right? Yeah! Hey, whoa, you don't even have to wear anything! Just the apron and panties! That's crazy. Or nothing-- just wear the orange mugs! Everybody likes whisking, right? Yeah. Muffins. Muffins are sexy? I like muffins! 

Stephanie loved the present. They all did. I just felt so... misrepresented. You know? Like, I can buy you weird things! I'm a free wild child! I read Cosmo! Look what I can do!

Better to just quit while I'm ahead.

The good news is, they had cheesecake. Lots of cheesecake.

Along with dirty presents and dairy-filled desserts, there were also some interesting party guests that really set the mood:

So romantic!

Can you feel the love tonight?

I even got to be the model in the standard bridal shower wedding-dress-made-out-of-toilet-paper-game! Please note my very trendy headband and ring made out of a Starburst wrapper.

'Twas a lovely afternoon! Then, as I drove away from the house in Upland, I noticed this monstrosity and literally swerved to the side of the road so I could make disapproving noises and take pictures.

What!? Who does this? HUGE homemade spiders that literally covered every side of their house. I am a friend to the spiders and all but even this was too much for me. These are not Halloween decorations they are nightmare decorations. Don't you put that evil on Halloween, Ricky Bobby!

Sigh. Let's all calm down and look at Ashley's kitten.

That's better.

I hurried home to quickly dress into my costume... for Jason & Emma's annual Halloween party!

It was literally the first year I could ever attend-- as for years I was too far away in Arizona and last year I was helping move my Mums to Los Angeles.

I was so excited. Emma worked on the party for days--- a mix of classic Halloween decorations, spooky playlists, ethereal fairy-esque creatures, and homemade festive drinks mixed by my dear brother. Halloween perfection!

Here's Ashley and I in our costumes.

There's Ashley being all adorable as Violet Incredible! And then there's me with those eyebrows. I hope you know who I am. McKayla Maroney? From the Olympics' gymnastics team? No? The one who infamously stood on the winner's block with a silver medal around her neck and made that stinky face? Take a look here to see McKayla at her internet finest.

See?

Most just thought I was a poor sport. Only about four people knew who I was. But they were very enthusiastic supporters. I'm okay with that.

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Time for me to go do something. You go do something.


Kisses!