Thursday, August 11, 2011

Lovely Jubblies

Life is good. Sitting in my breezy little apartment in Studio City, enjoying an inaugural artichoke and froyo Ben & Jerry's-- not simultaneously. Spent the morning driving Rachel to the airport, completing errands, wandering and fantasizing through IKEA, and pretending I'm being active by wearing workout clothes and tennis shoes. Today is especially good because I just had what Oprah would refer to as an "Aha" moment.

I want to write.

What started as a blog to update others on my progress in LA has turned into somewhat of a passion. My mind is constantly collecting ideas and events to write about later. I don't feel forced into writing--- in fact, I'm kind of in love with it. There are tons of writers out in the world, why can't I be one of them?

Imagine: reading a weekly column or blog post about things you should know/care about, written by yours truly. Comedic commentary on everyday things. Classy. Fun for the whole family.

Move over Carrie Bradshaw, there's a new sassy writer girl in town! (...with much less provocative content, believe me).

Now I just need to find an Aiden...

I've been keeping an eye on Craigslist jobs in LA and have been spending most of my time on the writing/editing jobs section. Lots of blog writers needed, lots of editing web content, etc. I could definitely see myself loving that. I usually spend a good two to three hours (if not more) on each of my own blog posts, writing, editing, and carefully rewording things to make my entries digestible to everyone (not just mothers who will sit through anything with a proud smile). I love writing. Now just to find an outlet that pays more than this one... (I think I'm up to $1.52 from ads on my blog. YES.)

Good. Goal set. Game on. Step one: apply for said Craigslist jobs. Will do, after I finish writing this.

Also on my list of things to do today: send in Frasier's application for "My Cat from Hell", a new Animal Planet show about-- you guessed it-- demon cats who ruin lives.

Yikes. Anyone who knows Frasier will understand the likelihood of him getting on this show. The ad was on Craigslist (which is ironic, because that's where I got Frasier) and was offered only to those with possessed cats in the LA area. Perfect. It promises a $1000 compensation and a "well-behaved" cat. Ha. Frasier has recently mutilated my right leg and foot, complete with deep gashed scratches and bruises. And he doesn't do this to just anyone. Only me. Lucky, lucky me. When he wants to love, there isn't a cat who's sweeter. But if I am gone for too long or I'm at the house during his nap time, my ankles and legs are fair game. It's pretty embarrassing, really. But he's going to get some help soon hopefully. Hmm... apparently from this guy, Jackson Galaxy:

Riggghhhtt. Squid pro ro. Well if I can't succeed as a writer I guess I can always just grow out my goatee and be a cat whisperer. I think Frasier has a pretty good chance of being on the show. He's pretty photogenic and almost angelic looking which could make for quite a good twist.

And I think I could be relatively entertaining as well. Especially when they have to film him being a jerk and I have to bleed. Luckily I have a high pain tolerance. Check it:

Woof. I'm in an abusive relationship... with my cat.

Moving on. Tuesday I had my LUSH skin care training! It was incredibly fun. I got paid to watch videos of English people talk about skin care, get a facial, and I got free stuff, too (Not to mention I accidentally took a purple pen that I am kind of obsessed with... oops!). It was a blast.

Most of the people that work at LUSH are either girls or gay boys (kind of like our audience at Darwin shows, amiright?). For the training they collected several LUSH stores from the LA area together, meaning lots of new faces. One guy stuck out like a sore thumb. He looked a bit like Jim from The Office, tall and vulnerably attractive. He was also refreshingly straight, making him the focus of everyone in the room. He must love his job. When we had to pair up for facial massages, my partner girl was whisked off for demonstrational purposes. Leaving me alone. I sheepishly announced to the room that I was the loser without a partner. When from across the room waves Jim-boy.

Ohhhh the looks I received from girls and boys alike. It was ridiculous. He was a very nice guy named Garrison. Unfortunately I made everything very awkward very fast though. I mean, we were going to be massaging each others' faces. Really, the odds were against me being normal in this situation.

With facial massages you have the person sit in a folding chair in front of you and have them lean the back of their head against your body. Well with our proportions, he was basically cradled between my... well, boobs. Oi. I made some really pathetic LUSH joke-- we have a product called "Lovely Jubblies", a lotion that we recommend for putting on your neck, chest and decolletage to tighten everything (because it has evening primrose and tiger lilly extract in it-- hey, I just went through eight hours of skin care training!)-- so I said, "Ulll... Uh oh. This might be awkward. Looks like you have a front row seat to 'lovely jubblies'. Heh. heh.".

Yup. The things I say. (shakes head). He chuckled dutifully and said he didn't mind, and I'm sure he didn't. We then had to switch. He had to squat down so I had something besides his crotch to lean up against. Ugh. His poor hands were shaking and WAY too big for my face. The leader-girl kept coming around and telling him to be careful not to smother me. Ha. It was very silly. My friend Ricky made faces at me the entire time, then awkwardly joked afterwards that it looked like "the best first date, ever". Goodness. All in all a good training day. I start work at the Glendale location this weekend! What up, ten minute drive!

I've been spending most of my free time with Mariko, Rachel, Blake, and Nikolai. Like I said before, every year when I get back from Bravo there is a withdrawal period that is only made easier with Bravo interaction. We all still can't get over the fact that I live here now. Yesterday Mari and I wandered around Target for an hour or so with no real intention. Those are the kind of things I miss out on when I don't live with friends-- the little moments. Here's a picture of Mariko looking super asian in a Target hat:

I mean, she usually looks asian, she's half-japanese. Still funny.

I'm headed to Bang in a little bit. Fred Willard and his Mo-ho group are back in town, woo!

In other news, Johnny, Jimmy, Becca and I are planning a trip to San Francisco in a week or so and I really could not be any more pumped. Really.

Thanks everyone for reading along. One day when I am a very posh, famous writer you can claim that you read my stuff before it was cool to do so. And then I'll sign things for you and give it to you for 20% off.


1 comment:

  1. I always see your links to your blog on Facebook, but have never read an entry until now. I was thoroughly entertained! You are a great story teller and I would love to keep reading, especially now that I am not in L.A.! Hope you guys have fun in San Fran-- wish I could join you!