Nightmares

I know I said that I wasn't going to write... and here I am... writing.

Welp. It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind... Right?

I woke up this morning after some pretty dreadful nightmares. It was awful. I like to keep my waking thoughts as happy and bright as I possibly can, but apparently I'm a little more frightened of life than I allow myself to let on. It seemed like all of my fears had created this cohesive death ball of a foreboding magnitude. I woke up defeated.

Then I stumbled upon this:

Good morning, Universe. Thank you.

It's a shame how much we limit ourselves. We're scared that it's too late to start a band, to learn a new language, to love who we love despite complications. We're nervous that we'll look stupid or be misunderstood. We need to let the good in. It's OKAY for things to work out and it's okay for this to be the right moment. We just have to let it be.

Yeah, my nightmare shook me up. A lot, if you could tell. But I think I needed a reality check. I do have a lot of lessons on my plate and things do look scary at times. I just hate waiting around for things to be just right. I like when things are mysteriously up in the air. As Miranda July, one of my favorite authors said, "Don't wait to be sure. Move, move, move".

I believe that if your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough. So I'm comfortable being uncomfortable and putting it on the line for a chance adventure. Even if it means a nightmare or two (yet another reason I so believe in sleeping buddies).

(Exhale).

What did you guys expect... of course I had to re-start my writing with some whammy of a philosophical rant! It's been too long!

So what have I been up to?! So much!

I just got my dress for SAG Awards! I can't believe it-- we're only two weeks away.

Everyone in the PR department is wearing black dresses, which proved much more difficult to find than I expected. This will do. I feel pretty sassy in it, but I'm sure when I am standing on the red carpet with skinny minnie actresses I may feel like an Amazon woman. I've come to terms with this.

It's been an absolute blast in the office. I wake up every morning so excited to go to work. Everyone is like family now. That's what happens when you work as long as we do. We know how to keep each other laughing and happy during those long days. I love my job.

In other news, yesterday marked day one of my HALF MARATHON training.

It didn't go well. I felt like I was on my eighth grade basketball team again running suicides. I was a quarter mile away from tossing my cookies. At least I drove myself to Santa Monica so I could run on the beach. That way when I got so weak I couldn't run any further I just collapsed onto the sand to rest. (True story). We'll see how this running thing goes. If day one and two are any indication of what the next couple of months hold, I may be in trouble. I'll keep you updated.

I do apologize for not posting my writing during December. I have three half-written posts sitting in my blogger account, staring at me disappointedly. I do feel bad. Especially when I read through them and there's a lot of good stuff there. It just seems weird to talk about presents and pageants and parties in January. Ya know?

I rang in the new year in the most delightful way-- in my favorite little city of San Francisco. I usually celebrate New Years by sitting on the couch with good friends so this was certainly an upgrade. We got tickets to the Westin St. Francis' New Years' Eve Party in Union Square and had an absolute ball. Seven different large rooms, each complete with a lavishly decorated theme and an open bar. Results pictured below:

That's Tim, my handsome friend Spencer, me, and Kelly. They're my favorites. It was incredibly packed by the time it hit midnight. There was a huge balloon drop at the end of the countdown but I must say I don't especially remember them falling.

The next morning Spencer and I woke up far too early to go to the RAIDERS game.

So. much. fun.

Me and about twenty guys had quite the tailgate. Lots of beer, chicken sandwiches, and beer were consumed. Mostly beer. The guys were all far too kind and welcoming. I ended up making some lady friends once we got our seats inside. That way I could burn off a little bit of feminine energy and have bathroom buddies, too. I would like to thank Connie for fostering my talent to make friends virtually wherever I go. Connie-- you'd be proud.

Unfortunately my greatest fear came true... the Raiders lost. It was very sad. I was hoping that my first NFL game would be a win. That, and I prefer happy Raiders fans. I was very nervous about the fun level of the weekend dropping after the loss. Spencer was a trooper though. We spent the rest of the night a) eating potatoes  b) hydrating and recuperating from a ridiculous weekend and c) watching a marathon of The Twilight Zone. Man, that show is creepy. We even saw a young William Shatner in what was certainly the scariest TZ  episode I have ever seen.

Yikes.

It was certainly a delightful way to recharge for January. I can't believe we're already halfway through... where does the time go?

I've got to go run some lines for our Femmetastiks encore tonight! We're so lucky we get to do another show, I can't wait. If you are in the West Hollywood area at 8 pm, you really shouldn't miss it. It's an incredibly funny, uplifting show. Funny ladies being funny. I promise.

I think I'll leave you with this picture of me and my silly cat.

Or my cat and silly me. He's the best. (or worst, if you know him).

Lots of love, friends.

Oh... and kisses, too.