Sunday, November 13, 2011

Butt Puns

This may be hard to believe, but I have too many jobs. Hmph. I haven't been to yoga in weeks, I get five hours of sleep every night, and my writing time has greatly diminished. The whole fifty hour work week thing has been taking its' toll on me. I'm thinking about laying low for a while. And when I say that I mean maybe eight hour days instead of fourteen. I can afford to do that, too. I'm doing okay financially and as soon as I start my big girl job at the end of the month I'll be more comfortable. And then I'll have ONE job to keep straight. JUST KEEP SWIMMING.

That also means more writing time for me. I just received my first ever paycheck for my articles on Red Flag 101! I'm a writer, kids! I kind of wish it was in paper form-- I want to hang it on my wall and take a picture with it. Maybe take a picture of me hanging it on the wall. You know. It's not much but it's certainly a start! To think: I could make a living writing. A girl can dream, right?

Last weekend I had quite a lovely time in Tucson for U of A's Homecoming!

Yeah, we lost. Wish I could say I was surprised. Our poor little football team. It was a lovely weekend though. It was the first time I have been to Tucson without my mom there, so that was weird. It also was a bit inconvenient because I usually am able to drive her car around. My location and activities were invariably dependent on who I was with and their accompanying schedules. Which was fun, of course-- I just felt a bit landlocked at times. I didn't get to see half of the people I wanted to, which was unfortunate. I just had no way of getting back and forth across town. Ah well. I'll be back, I'm sure. I mean, it's Tucson! It's home!

We left early Friday morning-- Me, Jimmy, and two of my sweetest friends from my acting classes at the University, Carissa and Caitlin.

We had such a lovely drive (there and back) discussing every possible topic there was to discuss. There was a whole lot of advice and anecdotes flying around in that car. I LOVE road trip conversations. It was also so nice to find fellow Wildcat friends living in Los Angeles!

I stayed the first night with Bryan in his cute little Polly Pocket house. We went to Guadalajara Grill for margaritas and delicious mexican food. Ohhhhhhh what I wouldn't give to have Tucson mexican food in LA. Boy, do I miss it. Then we woke up before the crack of dawn the next morning to let the college festivities begin.

4:45 am. Woof.

One of Bryan's friends was having a get together at his picturesque college boy house. I wandered into the living room and this is what I found:

Yes. Stadium couch seating in front of a gargantuan flat screen television and beer cans galore. Boys. I'm sure they are quite impressed with themselves. I certainly am.

By the time we arrived there were already twenty or so crazy kids drinking outside in the freezing cold. Somehow we managed to pop a bottle of champagne with our cold fingers to make mimosas. We headed to the Buffet, my favorite Tucson bar, at 6 am. Here we are, walking in the DARK with our mimosas:


When we arrived, I was shocked to see that the place was PACKED. And not full of young people, but alumnis over the age of forty. Their wildcat dedication and punctuality put us to shame. I was able to catch up with a bunch of people I hadn't seen since before graduation. U of A people are the best kind. We left at about 7 am to get some breakfast. It was weird leaving a bar when it was light out!

We had a breakfast burrito at Time Market, then walked to University Boulevard to have even more mimosas at Frog & Firkin, a U of A restaurant favorite. By the time 11 am hit Bryan and I were exhausted. Who's surprised? We went home and took some seriously epic naps. Alison and Andy picked me up a couple hours later to head to the game!

After we had properly assessed that we had absolutely no hope of winning, we left for dinner. I spent the next two nights at their house, introducing them to Arrested Development, going to the movies, and celebrating Alison's 23rd birthday!

A seriously fun weekend. I love me some Tucson.

I've been busy ever since I got home. The Femmetastiks (the all-female sketch group I'm in at Bang) have been in full rehearsal swing! It's going to be a hilarious show, so if you are in the LA area December 10th and 17th at 9:30 pm, please come. Smart, funny women in a seriously smart, funny show.

This last week I have been training like crazy at LUSH. Every morning, from 7-10am, I have been in the store soaking up every bit of information about skin care, eco-friendly sourcing, and holiday sales training. I am a LUSH machine. We had an old-Hollywood party last night to promote one of our new products, "Lustre", which is a gold dusting powder that smells like jasmine. It's delicious--- and it gave us an excuse to dress up and order a popcorn machine! I was in heaven.

I have the best co-workers ever. And boy, do we clean up well! Here's me and my sweet friend Maria:

Speaking of LUSH... who's ready for an embarrassing story? You know, as a paid writer who gets paid to write entertaining things, I should be sharing stories like this one. It's pretty bad. Ready?

At LUSH we have fresh face masks that we get in every Thursday. They're made by hand and incredibly fresh-- you actually have to keep them in the refrigerator and use them within a month. They're packed full of fruit and vegetable enzymes, seaweed, ground almonds, you name it!

Well I'm obsessed with these things. I use one almost every night! All of my co-workers love them, too, and were telling me how they use them all over their bodies. Most frequently they use them on their butts. I thought this was weird initially, but then I remembered one mask called Ayesha that's known for its' tightening agents. So being the curious cat that I am I decided to slather some Ayesha all over my face and rear end to see what the fuss was about.

It was very exciting at first! So tingly and fresh! My bottom deserved some love. I waited a good ten minutes, read some of my book while laying on a towel on my bed, then headed to wash it off. I was in a hurry to get out the door and didn't want to take a full shower. So I tried to brainstorm a way to wash it off fast without turning on the shower head.

Oh! I thought to myself. The faucet on the bottom will work... it's a bit low but I guess I can squat down and scrub it off.

I giggled all the while as I sat under the running water. And then I stood up too fast--- and scratched half of my butt skin off on the nozzle.

If you were wondering-- the face mask did not make my ass look better. Now it just looks like I was mauled by a wolf on one cheek. Cute. The moral of the story is if you want a pretty fanny, don't be a lazy piece of crap and half ass it. (Oh the assortment of butt puns I could use here!)

Aren't you glad you read my blog? So tasteful and classy!

Yesterday Emma and Makena (my sister-in-law and most favorite niece) visited my mom and I for a girls' day! We ate at Paty's in Toluca Lake for lunch and then headed to Makena's favorite store, Justice, to do some shopping.

Back in the day Justice was known as Limited Too-- and was my favorite store of all time. My mother and I did some serious damage there when I was growing up ages 9 to 13. I was so excited to go back and relive some of the magic with Makena. It was a huge fantastic flashback. We helped picked out outfits and accessories and bopped around to the poppy girl-power music. I looked at the sizes and realized that I could still fit into the clothes! And then this happened:

Oh yes. I almost wanted it.

Time for a little Jenny Goal Blurb: I know what I really want to do in life. I want to positively affect young girls. Growing up is a crazy thing, especially when the world can be so overwhelming and at times negative. Girls are full of dreams and hope, they're endlessly curious and completely unsure of themselves. If I could be a part of shaping girls' lives and ambitions, I could die a happy woman.

I'm working on it.

This morning I met some very special friends in Marina del Rey for breakfast-- Bryan, Dan, Max, Dana, and three lovely new ladies from the current cast of the Charles Darwin Experience! They were in Santa Monica for the weekend competing at a college improv competition! And guess what? THEY WON. Yup! They beat out every team on the west coast that entered and are now headed to Chicago in March! I'm so excited for them. I met them at their hotel for a nice little continental breakfast before they had to head back to Tucson. I have really missed performing with the group. It was weird sitting around the little breakfast table with my best friends. I felt like I had never left. Talk about family.

I've got a very busy week coming up! Work, rehearsal, lunch dates, YOGA. All leading up to a very exciting weekend in...


Mmmm. I can just taste the happiness and feel the brisk bay air on my face. All I want to do is wander around the city, nap in a park, and eat food. I sound like a homeless man. I'm preparing by listening to lots of Frank Sinatra, Louis Armstrong, Adele, Amy Winehouse, and Corinne Bailey Rae Pandora radio. You know, the sweet romantic stuff.

I seriously can't wait. Until then...



  1. i am a new fashion blogger from indonesia living in singapore :) i really like your blog. i will really appreciate & it will be an honor to have u as my blog member.

    and of course i will folback!:D also, u can mention me anytime on twitter @tiodang if you want me to check out your latest post & leave a comment ^^ ,please list me on twitter, so i will know u're my follower!! ;)

    i've just recommend your post to google!u can check it! that's what u got if you keep in touch with my blog too!! hope u will do the same ^^
    (u can add me on facebook and contact me at :

  2. Please don't title your blog post "butt puns" if it is not an extensive list of butt-related puns. Sigh.. back to Google search...