musical chairs

For a while I was concerned that I might be running out of interesting things to discuss. My life had become rather monotonous--- work, food, friends, yoga--- solid life features but not very intriguing to read about. Then this week happened.

First of all, let me just say that having an unconventional work schedule is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love having free time during the day. I finally signed up for a 24-Hour Fitness membership (which is a lovely one third of what I had been paying for yoga... yikes). I have been cycling, Zumba-ing, running, elliptical-ing, and turbo-kicking every day and it feels great. I missed the gym. I needed a break from my zen yoga routine. Hopefully my body responds accordingly--- once this ridiculous cold spell on the West coast stops I would like to enjoy some proud bikini trips to the beach. Keyword proud.

Last week I had two intense training days for LUSH--- Monday: skin care and Wednesday: hair care. Seriously guys, if any of you need advice on your hygiene, look no further. I am an encyclopedia of natural skin and hair care. I was a selling fiend the couple of days I worked at LUSH last week with all of my refreshed body care knowledge.

During my Thursday shift I was a part of a rather interesting occurrence. I was bouncing around the store singing along with Beyoncé with my recently wed co-worker/friend, Miriam, when two women walked in. I greeted them in my upbeat customer service voice, high off of a recent discussion of forbidden romance with Miri and a new Korean customer/friend I made.

I started talking to the two women, explaining the store and pointing out some different areas when one of them stopped me.

"Sorry, excuse me. ...Do you act?"

"Uh... Yes...? I dabble."

"Great. I like you. You have an amazing energy. I'm a casting director for <major television network>. We're about to start filming for an adult musical chairs reality show."

I wish I could tell you guys the name of it. It's hilarious. Anyways...

"Are you relatively athletic?"

"Well, I'm athletic enough to compete and awkward enough to make good television...?"

"Perfect! (scrounging around in huge purse). We'd love to come see you audition on Monday. Let's set you up for an appointment... (Taking down my information)."

And that's what I did today. I went and auditioned for a musical chairs game show at a major studio's production office, sitting on a stool in front of a camera in workout clothes, disclosing my helmet size and what kind of music I would like to play when I enter the 'stadium'.

Sometimes when I think I want to be elsewhere in the world, I have days like these in LA that remind me that I am clearly right where I'm supposed to be right now.

(By the way, I haven't decided on a song yet--- I'm thinking some sort of female-power ballad such as Chaka Khan's I'm Every Woman or the classic Spice Girls' song, Spice Up Your Life. Let me know what you think.)

I managed to wrangle Johnny into an audition, too. Lucky guy. During my interview today they asked, "When was the last time you played musical chairs, and what kind of player do you think you'd be?"

And then it all came back to me. I certainly do remember the last time I played musical chairs.

I was in high school at a birthday party. The host had two tickets to the U of A's upcoming basketball game that weekend and it was decided that we would play musical chairs to see who would win. I wanted those tickets. There was a bunch of us, girls and guys alike. The game began and thanks to my strategy and quick maneuvers, it was down to two of us--- me and a girl who we all knew disliked me... for the simple reason that she liked my boyfriend. (High school).

The moment came. One chair. Her and I. The music stopped--- and we both sat down, at the same time.  We evenly split the chair. My brain started thinking out scenarios. There was no way we were going  to the game together, so that wasn't an option. I thought to myself, "I'll be the bigger person here. It isn't a big deal. She can have the tickets, I have the guy... and a personality. Whatever."

(This, by the way, is not simply a convenient story recollection for me).

So I got up. She got the tickets. And as a side note she also stole my boyfriend several months later.

...Which of course you are probably thinking, "Uhh Jenny she got the tickets AND the guy. What are you trying to say? You were clearly the loser in this scenario". To which I would like to say, "YOU'RE a loser."

Yes, she got the tickets. And don't worry--- she was welcome to the guy--- talk about a disaster. But still.

Trollop.

But just think! Now I had something interesting to say in the interview! They loved it. And if I get on the show, you bet your bottom that I will fight for that last seat. Just for all of the nice girls out there. I learned my lesson once: don't give in to people less fortunate than you because they just might one day be a hussy.

I have been busy filing through facebook photos of myself--- looking for examples of me being 'athletic'.

Welp. Looks like I've got to put all my eggs into the "I'm-the-nice-unassuming-mildly-humorous-girl" basket, as I may not have any other option. These are the photos I sent along... 

Athletic? By the looks of these pictures, I doubt it.

Active? Maybe. Or maybe she's just good at posing?

Look! She can sit on a bike. That's good!

Hmm... She's wearing a rash guard. So clearly she must have been up to something relatively physical, and something that compromised the safety of her belly skin. Clearly a daredevil.

And she's a bowler? Look at that form. I bet she bowls a solid 100.

Not everyone can remain vertical on ice. Impressive.

Oh, here we can see a little bit of motion, with the swinging of the jacket tassels. And it looks like the lovely lady behind her is relatively impressed. 

Yup. It's a double Bert stare day. 

Honestly, where am I supposed to get pictures of myself being active, anyways?

Hey friend, thanks for going on this hike with me. Take a picture of me jumping over this small puddle, would ya? 

Oh hi there neighbor, I'm headed out for a mild jog. Would you mind following along and getting some action shots of my arms swinging?

Hmm, I think I'll get my lazy butt out of bed today and go to Zumba. Hopefully I can sneak in a pic of me shaking my thang! 

This isn't high school. You don't get pictures taken to prove that you are, in fact, capable of small athletic feats.  I don't run marathons, or half marathons for that matter (yet--- that's a touchy subject), I don't have workout buddies who post pics on facebook of us sweating in Boot Camp class.

So they are just going to have to live with those pictures. The pictures won't matter too much at this point. I've already got through the second round of casting... woo! The next time I go in is on Sunday... for... THE OBSTACLE COURSE.

YIKES.

I'm picturing in my head a combination of the course on Wipeout and Ninja Warrior. Not good.

Now that I think about it, the last time I was wearing a helmet and competing... was my senior year in high school. (Apparently it's high-school-story-day!) It was our senior carnival after school. Me and my friend Katie decided to wait in the long line to don costumes and sumo wrestle each other. Long story short, my helmet (complete with fake sumo wrestler hair) wasn't strapped on right, and it slid down and gave me a bloody nose. I, of course, didn't realize, and kept struggling and wrestling away, turning the mat into quite a nasty scene.

The monitors brought the match to an immediate embarrassing halt. For us and for everyone else. The people in line behind us then had to wait until they could properly clean up the bloody mess I left on the mat and wipe down the fat suit I had on.

Too bad no one took a picture of that.

Anyways, I'll keep you filled in. I have about 100 pages of forms left to work on... and obstacle courses to prepare for. Mentally and physically.

In other news, I had a lovely St. Patrick's Day. I visited Henry's Hat in North Hollywood, enjoyed a rousing myriad of bagpipe playing, drank an obligatory Guinness, nibbled some Lucky Charms, played a couple rounds of Yahtzee, and ended the night with a big green bowl of homemade asparagus soup while watching Gilmore Girls. Yum.

Much more mellow than my last St. Patrick's Day-- where I started at the bars at 6:30 am and ended up tending to my sweaty, drunk, crying friend and escorting said friend home by the time it hit 2:00 pm. Yes, 2:00 pm. I needed a bit of a break from St. Patty's Day. Lucky Charms and Gilmore Girls were all the excitement I could handle.

I'm going on a little road trip tomorrow to Carlsbad to talk about Camp Bravo with some high schools. Have I mentioned I love my job? I'm hoping the cold weather will let up a little bit so I can stop by some of the San Diego beaches. I also just found out that I will be headed to Las Vegas in a couple weeks as well as a stop in Tucson and Phoenix to talk about Bravo! I can't wait to go home and see all my friends and family.

Unfortunately, because I'll be working, I'll be in Las Vegas by myself. Which must be the most awkward city in the world to be on your own. Unless you're a rich business/familyman in desperate need of a vacation. Then it might be the place. Eh, I guess I'll make friends.

Okay. Time to go. I've got forms to fill out and Seinfeld to watch. Hey, have a good week, everyone.

Kisses.